Dear god, can it be true?!

BBC: Boris for Mayor?

Boris should give the idea serious consideration. London is a world financial centre, together with the South East it dominates the United Kingdom economy. It is city of culture, history, education and government. It is cosmopolitan. It needs a talented charismatic leader capable of nurturing its renewal and growth. Wayne Gretsky, the ice hockey coach encouraged his players "to skate to where the puck is going to be" - we need a similar leader for London. Boris should ask himself will anybody ever offer him such a "huge train set of opportunities" ever again. In theatreland terms - maybe it is time for Prince Hal to give way to Henry V. In my opinion Boris should go for it.

Oh, but imagine the election. Boris takes on Livingstone in 2008, the media frenzy, the diametrically opposed opinions on just about every area of policy, the strong possibility of 'gaffes' on both sides. Ultra-PC Livingstone takes on speak-his-own-mind Boris in the popularity stakes. 'Boris for Mayor' posters, T-shirts, billboards and banners adorning the capital. Opposing armies of young socialists and capitalists canvassing Londoners from every walk of life. The character assasinations, Red-Ken and his Chavez supporting cronies take on 'Bullingdon Boris' in the war for hearts and minds. Kens vision of multi-cultural utopia versus Boris' 'Dream of Rome'. Livingstone's secular surmons take on Boris's charisma, charm and wit.

Do it for the people Boris, give them the proper election Britain so badly needs. Show us what politics can be like.

Frankly, I’d vote for anyone who can unseat that nasty little man from the mayor’s office (not that I’d get a vote, living in Surrey). Red Ken seems to hang in there by playing the rebel politician card, rather than for anything he stands for. If people actually took notice of what he stands for (that he supports the most vile individuals on the basis of their shared hatred of wealth and power) they’d realise he does not represent the interests of what is supposedly the world’s greatest capital city. I can think of no better person for the job than Boris, although I understand that his priority must be his constituency.

Yes, the constituency thing is a sticking point. They are nice folk in Henley though, I'm sure that they wouldn't want to hold a talented youngish man back in his career.

Too good to be true?

He sorted out the buses – Steven

I beg your pardon… He sorted out the busses? He removed our lovely routemasters (which admittedly needed removing) and filled our streets with busses that take up twice the space, are an eyesore, destroy cyclists while turning corners and catch fire.

A lot of Londoners like his stance on a lot of issues.

You’re right. Even a lot of anti-Labour people like what he’s done and support him. There are indeed many things which I support Red Ken on, and I think that all things considered he’s proven himself to be a reasonably competent mayor. A bit like Tony Blair, I disagree with much of what he’s done but I could imagine it being much worse. I would still much prefer Boris though.

Perhaps you’re right, Steven, but what sort of people think that Ken is great for championing a South American lunatic like Chavez? I suppose it’s that old thing of uniting against a common enemy. The Guardian-reading set and the disgruntled poor probably share a common grudge against Bush, America, capitalism etc. What those issues have to do with London, though, is anyone’s guess.

Apart from abolishing the Routemasters in favour of those stupid bendy buses, he’s managed to demonise every small convenience and pleasure that Londoners enjoy. I suppose that doesn’t make him as anti-Labour as he thinks.

Although I’d love the idea of Boris as mayor, I’m not sure how much he’d relish the challenge. Those of us who get London local news can attest to the fact that the job will probably entail endless battles against loony Left councils trying to turn the capital into a no-go area for the middle-classes.

'Without Ken it would probably be a quite a clear run but it could be political suicide against him' (Melissa)

What was the final count against that chap no-one had heard of in 2004 again? 55% - 45% or close? Political suicide? Perhaps, you'll only get a biased viewpoint from me, but then I've actually bothered to read what Boris' politics is all about. I thought he was a bit of a clown before I did. Unless someone like Hague took Ken on (which let's face it won't happen, he's needed in national politics) I can't see a better option than Boris (who I would love to see in a higher profile shadow cabinet role, but seems to be deemed something of a risk by people with no sense of humour). What are we, German?

On Jack Targets note, Lid Dem and Tory councils have won on tax cutting/freezing agenda's. I think Londoners want a Mayor, but don't want to pay for a mayor (if that makes any sense). Don't forget, elsewhere Lib Dems happily form coalitions with Labour.

'what sort of people think that Ken is great for championing a South American lunatic like Chavez?' (Tayles)

Lots of young people, I've just spent half an hour arguing in the pub with my mates girlfriends 2 mates that Britain aren't an evil dictatorship and could actually survive the Middle East oil taps being turned off better than most of the Islamic world could. They still seem to think I'm just buying into right-wing propaganda.

Mayor of London is a new post, and Ken Livingston is the first and only one so far. As such it’s impossible to say what sort of career path a mayor would have. In the US of course a mayor is running for president!! But those may be rather uncommon circumstances. Personally I would rank Mayor of London on the same level as a US state governor in the respective political systems (they occupy a similar level of media attention, proportionately have similar amounts of power and even have similar roles), who regularly run for President and often succeed – as Dubya did.

It’s hard to compare them directly because of Britain’s unique political system, which is so very centralised. It would be impossible to be Prime Minister without simultaneously being an MP, that’s just the way things are, and it would require a full-scale constitutional change to change that. But on the other hand, Mayor of London is a much more important role than Member of Parliament or even shadow cabinet minister. In terms of press attention and power it’s on a par with a senior cabinet post. As such, if Boris were to become Mayor I don’t think it would be the end of his political career – but possibly the end of his parliamentary one. I have no idea what he would do afterwards, devolution is a new thing, but I don’t think it out of the question that he should return to Parliament and take a senior post in a Conservative Government, perhaps going on to try for the leadership. Alternatively he would make a very strong candidate for some form of elected upper-house which seems to be where we’re heading. Perhaps becoming some kind of Speaker or Party Leader in the Lords.

With such widespread changes and no precedent it’s hard to predict – but I don’t think it would be the end.

Boris for speaker? I like it, I like it a lot.

Boris for mayor of London? Doesn’t work for me, somehow. Can’t put my finger on why, though. (idlex)

I think I can put my finger on it a little better now, after reading this letter from David Cameron’s office.

And the answer is that the Tories will soon be needing yet another new leader. Newly windmill-powered, bike-riding, non-smoking, glacier-friendly Dave Cameron simply isn’t a Conservative. Although he would probably make an excellent leader of the Green Party. Having yet another leader shouldn’t be too dispiriting a prospect – the Tories have had about 9 of them over the past few years.

It all looked good for a while. Fresh young face, passion, conviction, wife, kids, bicycles, etc. But this charmer is selling environmental snake oil. I mean, look at the Tory logo! Worse, he’s trying to tell conservatives how they should think, rather than vice versa. It’s bad news. It’s like the Pope telling Catholics they should study Luther or Calvin, and stop saying Hail Marys.

Sorry, but he’s going to have to go. What’s needed is a sunny non-conformist, to breathe a bit of rebellion into this sad island. And this is why I think that Boris should stay away from the dead-end job of London mayor. If he can wait a year or two, he can have a much better job than that.

...But then, having just read a vvv private message in my inbox, I’m not even sure about that. Do Prime Ministers have to be good at managing people? Couldn’t Boris just delegate all authority to competent underlings, and concentrate on the job of being sunnily non-conformist? Or maybe he should just go back to the Spectator…

I’d vote for Boris for anything, Melissa.

I just don’t think Boris should commit himself to anything at all at the moment, because Britain is right now (in my view) immersed in a profound but almost entirely unreported political upheaval, as that most quintessentially English institution – the cheerful, welcoming pub – is in process of being destroyed.

But then, I imagine that the Dissolution of the Monasteries didn’t get much airplay on Tudor TV. They were probably all hooked on that must-watch gameshow – Would YOU like to marry Henry VIII?

this week is national ‘Proud of Pubs Week’

What a coincidence! In July 1539, Thomas Cromwell organised a national ‘Proud of Monasteries Week’ at (as ever) Glastonbury. I think abbot Richard Whiting hosted the event, which was, sadly, the last of its kind.

And yes, I’ve been supporting my dying local pub today. A couple of nights ago it had 4 staff behind the bar, and 6 customers in front of it. At this rate, it and many others like it will be up for sale at a bargain basement rates – much like the monasteries.

Ah well, that is a shame.

Oh, right. I thought that Boris might have a bit of difficulty gaining the actual votes, if not the hearts or minds, of the vast unwashed, so I went ahead and did up some outreach materials. HTML-enabled version on my blog at Support Al Kemal for Mayor of London

Let me know what you think: StevenL, I think it needs a NuLabSpk makeover, and that’s your department. See how many catchphrases you can put in there.

Text only version coming up (too big for this comment, apparently).

Al Kemal* is the People’s Choice for Mayor of London

From his humble beginnings as a Turko**-American*** immigrant from a broken home, Al’s life has been a series of struggles, a succession of successes. He is an inspiration to the entire Islamic community, and a leader for our globalized times.

Born in an American Stalinist medical facility**** to foreign parents, he spent his early years nomadically, drifting from country to country***** as his father moved the family in search of lasting employment******. When Al eventually landed in the UK as a child of 11*******he had no more than the proverbial tenner in his pocket*******. An innovative admissions program at a local school allowed young Al the kinds of educational advantages normally only enjoyed by native Britons of elevated standing, despite differences in background and even religion.*********

Al made the most of those opportunities, securing a place at Balliol, living out the dreams Thomas Hardy had written for him more than a hundred years before.********** While there, he became instrumental in the operation of the British-Arab University Association, and rose through sheer grim slogging to be the first Turko-American member of the Bullingdon Club. Additionally, he was the favoured candidate of the Social Democratic Party, clearly demonstrating his centrist, mainstream leanings at an early age.***********

Al was active in social outreach programs, making friends among even the criminal classes.************

Although Al appeared to have overcome his past as the child of a broken home, the pattern reasserted itself. Married too young, Al put his first marriage behind him and eventually settled down with (and subsequently married) a nice Englishwoman from the showbusiness class, with whom he has had four children.*************

Al’s early forays into politics were humbling, to say the least.*************** Nonetheless, he came back to have a moderately successful career as a television presenter and in local politics, as well as gaining notoriety on the sports field*****************.

No stranger to disadvantage, exclusion and setbacks, Al Kemal is truly Everyman for Twenty-First Century London. fin
———————————————————————————————————————- * Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson’s original family name was Kemal. His family calls him Al.

** Kemal is Turkish…his great-grandfather was Ali Kemal, an ill-fated Turkish journalist who became a government official and came to a sticky end. Obviously learning from the past is not a family trait. Ali Kemal was not, obviously, Catholic. Cultural outreach bonus points! *** Boris Al was born in Manhattan. **** In some godforsaken Yankee hospital: they’re all bloody HMOs nowadays. Poor bugger’s lucky he’s still alive. ***** Seriously, are we sure they aren’t Rom? First the UK, then a move to the States, then Belgium (Belgium, for chrissakes…how bloody desperate do you have to be to look for work in Belgium?), then the UK again. Can’t these people settle down and commit to one country? Is that too much to ask? Bloody gypsies! ****** See above. Two footnotes looked more impressive, and nobody reads this s*** anyway. ******* To attend Eton. Must have been an equal-opportunity initiative or scholarship. Good work, Al! ******** I am estimating this, based on the fact that most young Etonians don’t keep cash in their pockets. They keep it in their manservant’s pockets. ********* He’s Catholic. I know, doesn’t look it eh? Yay, more underclass appeal! ********** Thomas Hardy is so going to f***ing kill me for this. *********** No proof exists that he actually ran for the SDP, but on the other hand no proof exists that he didn’t, either. ************ Darius Guppy, who also attempted unsuccessfully to involve Al in criminal activities. That’s our Al, never afraid to do social outreach. ************* Marina Wheeler, a lawyer. Handy, when you’ve got Al’s friends. *************** Wales so totally kicked his ass. **************** YouTube Boris vs Germany

“Compelling?” I do not think this word means what you think it means.

Okay, so “criminal classes” is out. Howabout “liberty-challenged citizenry?” The “involuntarily housebound?”

Had to keep the footnotes in there: half my audience is Yanks. But there is some innuendo in what I didnt’ footnote, but linked. It’s all very hypertextual.

Darius Guppy was poor? No way; you’d think he’d at least have those aquarium millions. Certainly he’s off-white. Oh damn, missed the “colour blind outreach” schtick.

And I’ve been in the desert for a week; before that, the rainforest, as always.

Well, bravo and good luck to him! Let’s hope Boris can usurp this philistine Stalinist mayor and repair the damage he has wrought with his divisive, green-eyed dogma.