Sir Christopher Kelly Report

 Our favourite satirist, Dungeekin, back in the ring with The (Grace) Kelly Report YouTube Preview Image The (Grace) Kelly Report
So, Dear Reader, today will see Doctor Kelly lance the festering boil that is the MP's expenses scandal. In his honour, and with the enjoyable spectacle of MPs losing their gravy train ahead, I thought we should have a little song. [spoken] I wanna talk to you! The last time we talked Mr. Kelly you reduced my John Lewis list! I promise you that won't happen again! You tried to redact them, Tried to conceal them behind spin and lies, Dishonest and dirty, Grasping and greedy, Now it's you we despise, The totals are awesome, Really it's loathsome, How you milked us dry! Why were you greedy? Living the high life on the cash we supply? It's time for the verdict of Kelly, (Oooo) He says your expenses were bad, (Aaaagh) The size of your claims were just silly, (Mmmmm) Your sense of entitlement's mad! We paid for your house, Paid for your booze, For you to watch porn on Sky! You were deceitful, You were just venal, Claiming for anything you like! Don't wanna be mean, But you were obscene, Claiming for bath plugs and more! Why were you greedy? Why were you greedy? Why keep on claiming for more?  
Saying it was approved by the Fees Office doesn't solve anything! Why did you do it, Couldn't you help it, Didn't you know what we'd think? It was just crazy, Trust has decayed, And now your career's down the sink! Why were you greedy? Why were you greedy? Couldn't you restrain yourself? Now it's all over, We will no longer increase your personal wealth! It's time for the verdict of Kelly, (Oooo) He says your expenses were bad, (Aaaagh) The size of your claims were just silly, (Mmmmm) Your sense of entitlement's mad! We paid for your house, Paid for your booze, For you to watch porn on Sky! You were deceitful, You were just venal, Claiming for anything you like! Don't wanna be mean, But you were obscene, Claiming for bath plugs and more! Why were you greedy? Why were you greedy? Why keep on claiming for more? You claimed what you want to satisfy yourself! But we only want to pay for what you need to do your job, not what you want! We paid for your house, Paid for your booze, For you to watch porn on Sky! You were deceitful, You were just venal, Claiming for anything you like! Don't wanna be mean, But you were obscene, Claiming for bath plugs and more! Why were you greedy? Why were you greedy? Claiming for more! We paid for your house, Paid for your booze, For you to watch porn on Sky! You were deceitful, You were just venal, Claiming for anything you like! Don't wanna be mean, But you were obscene, Claiming for bath plugs and more! Why were you greedy? Why were you greedy? Claiming for more! Ooooooooooo! [spoken] Come the election... you're Leaving. Kaching-ah!

14 thoughts on “Sir Christopher Kelly Report”

  1. As always Brois you say it as you see it.
    You and DC and perhaps i.d.s and my own mp David Willetts are the only politions that I have anytime for.
    I am not a lerned man but I was taught that my word is my bond and never to be broken
    I have watched with growing dismay at what they call PMQ’S.
    It reminds me of being back at school in the 60’s
    It was my understanding that when a member rose to speak the chamber was supposed to be quiet.
    What ever do the yanks think???? Bunch of kids prtending to manage the country .
    It is to be hoped the D.C will not allow catcalling and allow the questions to be heard so we the thick can understand the point in question.
    I thought it was supposed to be a government for the pepole

  2. Dedicated as I am to the promulgation of laughter and merriment, even I cannot find anything funny about G.Brown anymore. He has destroyed pensions, betrayed British Sovereignty and Democracy, kept his mouth shut as Blair dragged us into war on a lie and generally provided a breeding ground for the disease that is Political Correctness. Anyone out there still laughing????? How many wooden stakes or garlic bulbs will it take to finish off this particular “Nosferatu”?

  3. Dedicated as I am to the promulgation of laughter and merriment, even I cannot find anything funny about G.Brown anymore. He has destroyed pensions, betrayed British Sovereignty and Democracy, kept his mouth shut as Blair dragged us into war on a lie and generally provided a breeding ground for the disease that is Political Correctness. Anyone out there still laughing????? How many wooden stakes or garlic bulbs will it take to finish off this particular “Nosferatu”?
    Oops…forgot to say great post! Looking forward to your next one.

  4. @Vicus Scurra: Thank you – I can rely on my greatest supporter of all time – he might seem all peace-loving and maverick but he sure has an enviously sharp eagle eye.

    This performance is mammoth news to me and I am losing my mind and my possessions over this – am leaving bags behind in the supermarket and station platform! Must calm down

    Thanks for the thought Vicus! xxx

  5. Always a pleasure to read your words or hear you speak. If we had just 20 Boris’s we could rebuild this nation inside a week. At least you do no suffer from the hypocrisy that is so evident on some of the less scrupulous blogs. So Boris any plans to bring your good self to Swindon? A bene placito of course.

  6. @Randy Nichols: I am in the same situation and also intend to follow this interesting Boris Blog as from now.
    Yesterday I scanned through a list of the MP’s blogs and was shocked to see that most are not followed at all and many seem to be blank templates ? That is such a waste of the democratic function of blogs.

  7. it starts off small a cab not a bus,
    so as not to cause a fuss,
    build up the trust and soon you will see,
    young mp you’ll soon be like us,
    start of small dont go for broke,
    youll be stinking rich until you croak!
    we do not joke so listen here kid,
    never gloat to folk,
    and learn how to fib,
    dont let them catch on,
    record every quid,
    every penny each pound get a receipt,
    pay someone to print one,
    we call this deceit,
    stick with us boy we’re second to none,
    away with the publics moneys we’ll run,
    its only just begun for you young man,
    youll see houses and land,
    hundreds of grands,
    all the while smiling,
    at unknowing fans,
    seeing nothing but pound signs,
    its prime time young chap,
    here starts the high life all paid for by tax,
    this is it my recruit this type of life caters,

    ( “but” new bloke clears his throat )

    im pleading with you leave questions till later,
    you’ll be on top…….
    …excuse me what??

    “i fear im here just to get a taster,
    of life as an mp….
    For the spectator!!!”

    YOU ***** ***** TRAITOR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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