Health and Safety Concerns

The Royal Society for the Extremely Stupid
They are now the most powerful lobbying force in the land. You can see the results of their campaigns on park benches, on street corners, on station platforms – and now their hectoring signage is sprouting on desolate beaches and once unspoilt stretches of moorland. They are more energetic than the RSPCA. They are more effective than the birdwatchers, the child‑protectors and the petrolheads put together. Indeed, for manic dedication they are only rivalled by Fathers4Justice. Ladies and gentlemen, let's have a big hand for this year's winner of the prize for the Most Successful Special Interest Group. I give you – the Royal Society for the Extremely Stupid. It was some years ago that my daughter and I first became aware of their achievements. We were exploring the magical cliff-top castle of Tintagel and we came across a sign on the edge of the cliff. It was expensively hand‑painted and about 1ft high. It said: "Edge of cliff". As a statement of the plonkingly obvious, it could have been bettered only if there had been another sign with a vertical arrow saying "Sky". We laughed so much we almost fell off. Since then, the Royal Society for the Extremely Stupid has been going from strength to strength. It has adorned the back of peanut packets with signs saying "May contain nuts"; it has embossed every plastic coffee sipper-lid with the information that the contents may be hot; and now, according to a wonderful pamphlet issued by the Manifesto Club, its activities are reaching a climax.  This article appears in full in the Daily Telegraph here

14 thoughts on “Health and Safety Concerns”

  1. LOLOL. Stoopid, so funny.

    I wonder if the fairy tale of Cinderella would have the same wistful charm if our beautiful heroine was cleaning the floors of the castle, no, not with a broom, but with an industrial vacuum cleaner? Yes folks, that would be the tale if Health and Safety had their way!

    http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/uknews/2433513/Ridiculous-health-and-safety-rules-tell-carpenters-to-ban-the-broom.html

    Ridiculous Health and Safety rules are forcing carpenters and woodworkers to ban the broom and use industrial vacuum cleaners at vast cost instead.

    But they don’t realise that they are inadvertantly making life very difficult for Harriet Harman, by severely restricting her mode of travel. How can Harriet get up to mischief late at night without …. her broom!

    There is one saving we can certainly commend in the Labour Party though. Some of them don’t need masks for Halloween.

  2. The problem is surely the “duty of care” under which so many bodies are now placed. This has become a “duty not to be found at fault if you’re sued”. Hence the signs and warnings.

    It is entirely within the remit of a future Conservative government to put a stop to this. I somehow doubt they will.

  3. There is a very sad story in the Sun today, no link unfortunately, about how paying too much attention to Health and Safety had fatal consequences.

    “A granddad lay dying of a heart attack at home – while a paramedic stood outside for 16 minutes, filling in risk assessment forms. ….. his heartbroken daughter claimed he would still be alive if there had not been a delay”.

    The granddad had been told by the operator when he phoned for help to leave his front door open so ambulance staff could get in quickly. But a medic who arrived saw the open door and feared a burglary had taken place. So he stood on the door step carrying out a risk assessment exercise, instead of giving the immediate assistance that was desperately needed. He refused to enter the house for sixteen minutes, and this delay proved to be fatal.

  4. Droll, very droll. (ps. I am watching Charlie’s Angels, season 1 at the moment. If all the angels only had half a brain, and you added them all together, they would still only have half a brain.)

  5. I can think of a good use for the cliff edge, Boris, and it wouldn’t require any warning notices!
    Now we hear there is going to be a severe shortage of garden fetes owing to the complexities of Health and Safety and unaffordable insurance cover.
    Are we really going to stand by while these people turn our lives into risk-free tedium?

  6. Everyone is now terrified of being sued. Any unscrupulous customer can pretend to slip on a banana skin or a rotten piece of fruit in a supermarket, and take the company to the cleaners. Schools are terrified of parents hauling them into court, if their little darling slips in the playground playing ring a ring a roses. An arm round the shoulders of a pupil is called child abuse.

    Apparently a company is bringing out a lot of signs saying “Politicians can damage your health”

    Lazy people are media savvy and see a chance to grab a large payout by pretending their sarnie had a dead mouse tail in it. It’s Paranoid City.

  7. What about the instruction on a packet of condom: ” It can only be worn on an erect penis.” ? Surely when a man needs to open a packet of condom, he has already reached that state.

    Unless when it’s Queen Mandy Latifa and an attractive lady in bed together.

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