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Boris returns from China at the end of the week.
Message from our Constituency Office today:
Boris Johnson is an excellent constituency Member of Parliament and has our full support. Recent and current press reports are of a personal nature and we have no comment to make on them at all.
mcw
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Exactly. Let us hope that Boris has kept his hat on.
Thanks Guido
Boris’s reported life reads like the best soap opera on earth doesn’t it?! I believe a lot of this is blown out of all proportion to satisfy the lust of the tabloid press – to the pain and shame of his family and all those who truly care for him.
He needs a good reinforced tin hat. One day he will get a crown of glory: for now it is a matter of avoiding the rotten tomatoes thrown at him. Perhaps a monastic regime/prison life and segregated existence is the only answer (and Boris, of course you would have to shave all your hair off… that would be part of it.. and your family would have infrared gadgets to track your every move). Make him Shadow Minister of the Home Office in charge of Prisons
What will they say next –
Ah this is the story “Bonking Boris Made Me Pregnant.”. I immediately thought Boris Becker to be honest. Must be something about the letter B, Boris, Bonking, Birth, Bad News… I’m sure his indiscressions (if any), will be forgotten as soon as the next tabloid storm unfolds…Yawn.. Maybe
“Bonking Blair Made Me Pregnant.”
or
“Bonking Brown Made Me Pregnant.”
??
Hmmm. Other news sources haven’t picked up the story much – is it possible it’s a storm in a teacup? The body language on the video does look a bit damning though…
Can’t we get Boris to tie a knot in it? There’s other (admittedly more junior) journalists out here interested in the occasional mistress: but given the extremely short supply of women willing to have anything to do with said journalists he is creating something of a shortage of opportunities you know.
Was Boris a big fan of Alan Clark I wonder?
Sometimes I think about joining the Tory Party, you know.
The News of the World are shits. Did not Christ say let him without sin cast the first stone. You are one of the very few in pubic life who ring a chord with us. Good luck and remember you are not alone!
I admit it is a small set to extrapolate, but on the basis of ‘bike’ and ‘bonking’, presumably the next Boris ‘disaster’ will start ‘bu…’
Bubonic plague?
The News and screws have done it, once again they’ve stirred the s..t,
Grub Street hacks have cast aspersions, digging deeper in the pit.
Who really cares if Boris does a turn; even if t’were on the side?
It’s just their petty jealousies, which other journos cannot hide.
It’s none of their damn business, how and where he dips his wick.
Allegéd indiscretions! Though of course, thrown mud does stick.
A suggestion for the cover of Mr Johnson’s new book.
Oh deary me. Still yes, I must agree with David, it does tempt one to sign up. Except the joining form for the South Oxfordshire bunch gives a 404 🙂
This sort of thing makes me puke. Blair can take the country to war on the basis of a total lie – immediate danger, 45 minutes, blah blah. Kill tens upon tens of thousands. People yawn and switch on the box for the latest dose of the X Factor – even AFTER the truth emerges. But let them get a whiff of anything that might/could whisper of sex/and/or private problems and they’re salivating like gawkers at the Colosseum. Where in the name of all that’s good and holy do their priorities lie? “Bonking Blair Made Me Pregnant” WOULD get more coverage than a complete list of names of every conveniently-forgotten innocent who died in Iraq.
The question is, who’s to blame? Those who publish or those who buy the publication? We all know these stories wouldn’t make it into print unless said publication was sure to sell like hot cakes.
So who carries the responsibility?
Sounds perfectly innocuous to me. In depth interview for forthcoming Times article, or something.
No blondes in China, so that’s safe at least.
“Must be something about the letter B, Boris, Bonking, Birth, Bad News…”
At least buggery is not in the picture…yet… a historically famous Tory pastime.
Mac
ha! you did make me laugh I must admit – you genius of the pen
BP going up
Yes society is at fault I feel sure: that is we only have ourselves to blame. It’s a season where ‘trial by media’ is the order of the day.
What I can’t figure out is how can you be an MP, columnist, book-writer, TV celebrity, family man and until recently magazine editor and have time left over for what he’s allegedly been up to? Does he eat and sleep?
It’s actually far worse than they make it out to be. The truth of this matter is incredibly sordid, and if it gets out, it’ll be the end of Boris’ career.
She’s his ghostwriter.
raincoaster : Who says there are no blondes in China? I saw at least a couple, and a ginger nut or two.
OK; so it was some time ago : maybe they have proliferated.
Might be a few more blondes in China in nine months time.
Oooooh, Snap!
Well there’s one in Vancouver who’ll buy Boris a drink if he’s routed through YVR.
Vicus
You are incorrigible!
Boris Boris Boris! Cleary no lies from these cursed papers! He’s been a naughty boy! He loves these women. WhY BoRiS WhY?! FFS Give it up and teach us something about tea, or gin, or telegraphs, or summer, or pansies, or dancing, or boats. Anything apart from sex you horny beast!
Who wouldn’t want to be with Boris? He is so sexy. Those lucky girls, indeed.
I think Marina, his wife, is utterly gorgeous. She is clearly very intelligent AND very sexy. Can’t imagine why Boris goes off with obvious looking blondes.
With the utmost repect to Boris… This is exactly the type of thing that creates the… they are all as bad as each other atmosphere.
If I was Cameron I would be tearing my hair out as another news cycle is lost to ‘Tory Sleeze’.
Its worse as well as Boris is possibly the most personable and reconisable conservative as well, so all the careful convincing of people you have doen gets thrown out of the window by this type of thing.
Really the only remaining option is to turn yourself into a Clinton/Kennedy character where indiscressions are seen as part of your incorrigible charm.
Sorry to be an old misery on this one but having said that Boris seems to have behaved badly again and Mrs Boris is a severely wronged lady fully entitled to project as many dinner services as she likes at his blond mop, why is it that the British press suddenly gets all po-faced about this?
Jesus quite rightly said ‘Let he that is without sin cast the first stone’. I know there is a theory that if a person is prepared to deceive their family then they are not likely to be trustworthy in government but this just so much onion sauce. It may be that the strains caused by such deception render the deceiver unable to perform his or her professional duties but that is another matter. As is whether confidentiality related to said duties is compromised. John Profumo had to go because of this but as his later life showed he was a sinner, like the rest of us, but one who managed to do a rare amount of good. Had there been no confidentiality problem he might have been able to do even more good as a government minister.
Jack Ramsey, what is your problem with onion sauce? Why use it as a metaphor for ‘piffle’? Maybe your next one will be an inverted soup tureen of onion sauce.
The British , ably ,( perhaps too ably), abetted by the gutter press,( where else would they have their noses), are apparently too interested in what goes on under cover in the wrong sort of chamber , than what really matters in the chambers of Parliament. Boris and Mrs J, will have a rough enough time , no matter what the truth of this latest bit of gossip, without the yellow press’s insinuations.
Think rather of the disgraceful affair of the people in Staffs having rto contend e=with Prescotts mismanagement of the green belt countryside . Now that is a story worth shouting about.
marco
I quite like a good onion sauce. In fact I have whipped up a number of decent ones in my time. I don’t know where the piffle usage comes from.
The Awful Truth About Boris Johnson
Following on from yesterday’s News of the Screws revelations the truth is out in the comments section at Boris’: It’s actually far worse than they make it out to be. The truth of this matter is incredibly sordid, and if
I’m so sorry i wasn’t aware Boris was still Philandering, I’d have been out stalking the streets of Islington months ago!
What a lucky girl….
When will the News of the Screws realise that people who have a life really are not interested in this rubbish that they attempt to pass off as journalism?
Unfortunately if you are in the public eye then you are easy game, especially if as charasmatic as Boris.
Is anyone really interested in this kind of stuff? It baffles me but then I don’t take the rag!
I don’t believe a word of it. It’s just the usual aspersions and innuendo promulgated by a newspaper that isn’t even good enough to be used as bog roll, let alone chips.
The erudite and well spoken Mr. Johnson may be many things: He may from time to time leave his cellphone on while being interviewed on live television; his hair may look like a recalcitrant haystack in a gale force wind two minutes after combing it and his shirts should probably be stapled to his underwear to stop the tails spontaneously leaping out of his trousers. We know, that our illustrious leader has slipped the leash a bit in the past (and what red blooded male hasn’t!?). But…for all of that, he’s not stupid!
I cannot bring myself to believe for a moment that anyone could be mind-blowingly daft enough to do it twice! Particularly when it’s almost immediately after their rehabilitation from the first offence. No one, and particularly Boris, could be that Earth-shatteringly DIM, full stop! The evidence presented is shaky and circumstantial at best. I see no clear indication of any malfeasance in any aspect of the video or the alleged (and noisome) testimony of ‘someone close to Boris’ and any judge, who knows his business, would be obliged to remind a jury of this fact. This latter observation is based on the assumption that Boris takes the NoTW to court for defamation. I sincerely hope he does.
For my own part, Boris’s evident penchant for the ladies is utterly irrelevant to his capabilities as a senior politician. Alas, I am a lone voice in the (religiously inspired) moralising masses. In the (unlikely) event that he gets this pinned on him I would, however, have to suggest that it casts serious doubts on his judgment which would be somewhat more of an impediment in politics.
Regardless of the forgoing, we can take heart in the complete confidence that there is little danger of him joining the Liberal party.
Really the only remaining option is to turn yourself into a Clinton/Kennedy character where indiscressions are seen as part of your incorrigible charm. (George Faux)
I think Boris is well on the way to achieving this.
Fortunately Kennedy and Clinton were both blessed with wives who, it seems, looked the other way. Same with Alan Clarke. But I’m not at all sure that Mrs Boris is made of the same stuff.
As for David Cameron, I suspect he already knows that Boris is such an incorrigibly loose cannon that he can never be trusted with a really important job – except possibly P.M.
One has to remember that Boris has a wife and family and how they might be feeling.
I’m sorry Jack Ramsey: the piffle reference was to Boris’ ‘inverted pyramid of piffle’ as a description for the last ‘problem’ he faced. And with reference to your being partial to onion sauce: you see: onion sauce is of consequence. Not piffle.
you’re all famous:
http://blogs.guardian.co.uk/mortarboard/2006/04/can_boris_weather_this_latest_1.html
Mac
How come they mention your name?
Have any brown envelopes been passed to the editor of the Grauniad?
I demand a special blog investigation.
And they spelled it right.
Fix!
I hadn’t noticed that Joe but it does make the whole thing look even more fishy. I bet Mac’s being measured up for the old ermine and bling headgear as we speak.
Mac, it’s rather suspicious.
that you’ve got your name in the press.
I don’t want to sound too malicious
but we have ways to make you confess.
Perhaps this is all a big setup
to get your name in the news
Well perhaps it is time that you let up
and stop calling the ‘News of the Screws’
We assume that you made the tip off
That landed Mr. B in the sh*t
Which we think is a bit of a rip-off
To get a paper to publish your wit.
Only joking,
Nice one Mac!
I wish I knew what you lot were on about. Like manuel. I know naathing.I might even buy a paper one day .
“Tin hats on and heads down”?
Surely the problem is that Bozza has been getting his head down a bit too much already?
And don’t you mean rubber hat instead of tin hat?
Lolly (a Bozza fan)
Joe, shockingly I must again disagree with you. It’s perfectly possible for someone who has cheated in the past to go on to have more than one affair. It is, as Murphy Brown says, not a story: it’s a given.
As to whether or not Boris has strayed this time, I dunno. Thankfully not my business, not my problem. But the point about Clinton and Kennedy is exactly right. People love Boris and there’s not much he could do that they would not excuse/forgive/find awfully cute.
Goddam Guardian. It’s one thing to stalk a politician and write dirty stories; it’s quite another to stir jealousies on a website. There is no drama like online drama. They are truly evil.
hee hee hee, everything going according to evil plan.
Sorry raincoaster, (why do my comments to you always start like that?)
I wasn’t suggesting that Boris wouldn’t (or indeed shouldn’t, strictly speaking) have a fling again (with deepest apologies and sympathy to his dear lady wife) merely that to do so (and to get caught on video) would be the tactic of an idiot!
Whilst I have some uncomplimentary opinions of Mr. Johnson, I have never considered him to be a fool.
I, and Jack it seems, feel that Boris’s sexual peccadilloes (if he indulges in such vices at all any more, which I sincerely doubt) are none of our damn business! And further, have no bearing either way on his suitability for government, the clergy or journalism.
Getting caught, however, if these allegations prove to be true, and the subsequent bleat of feigned outrage from the poxed-up, beer-swilling, hypocritical subscribers of the gutter press, will not be good news for the Tory party and, consequently, Britain.
By the way ‘look’ are you ‘Evil Twin’ who caused raincoaster so much consternation once? I seem to recognise the style.
As they say, it’s sex scandals that do for Tories and financial scandals that do for Labour.
This is because people accept the Tories are on the fiddle and Labour ministers are shagging everything in sight.
The general consensus is that Boris will weather the storm!
Borisgate 2 – our considered opinion.
Well, coverage continues apace on the latest Boris “affair”. Still no official word on whether the claims are true – Boris seems to do a better job than most at disappearing with the proverbial hits. However Boris-Johnson.com afictionados are vigorous…
Boriswatch has given its take…
http://www.boriswatch.com/archives/2006/04/borisgate_2_our.php
I always go to Boriswatch first for a more unofficial take, by the way. It’s a cracking read sometimes.
Maybe Boris is just taking a more practical approach to the declining birthrate than do most politicians.
From my perspective I see this as an act of public spiritedness and goodwill.
Who among us would begrudge the next generation its share of Boris related progeny? Not I.
The papers are forgetting that begetting is in the public interest. Who said the Conservative party doesn’t have a family policy?
John Brigh
Thanks for the reminder of how brilliant Boriswatch is!
Wibbler is a serious star
Good lord, Joe, we’re in perfect agreement. I had better keep a sharp lookout for other signs of the coming Apocalypse.
look appears to be a run-of-the-mill evil genius, whereas Evil Twin was more specialized along the condescension line. So much so that I just spell-checked that. One does note, does one, that ET wasn’t actually disagreeing with me, just being a big old meanie. Quite different!
Okay, so Boris is keeping his job. Is she?
Good lord, Joe, we’re in perfect agreement. I had better keep a sharp lookout for other signs of the coming Apocalypse.
You could be right raincoaster.
The dog brought me my slippers this morning instead of eating them and I appear to be entitled to a tax refund!
The only outstanding omens would be:
Getting the milk and yoghurt dropped off by a two headed milkman and a receiving confirmation that Hell is suffering from a light frost.
Is Boris’s blog mentioned in ‘Revelations’?
“…and so, when it comes to pass that the writings of the yellow thatched one like unto a haystack in a hurricane, ring of sin and debauchery for a second time, the coaster of rain shall concur with the madman who’s name is like unto the husband of Mary, father of the big ‘un.
And there shall be a great wailing and gnashing of teeth.
Meanwhile, in Hell, light winds from the purgatory stream have brought inclement weather and light showers. Any demons on early duty will probably have to clean their windscreens early this morning due to an 80% probability of frost.
Heaven continues to be sunny.
That is the weather lookout for today, and now back to sport”
chins up Boris! Just be your very charming self, ignore the press and do whats important…comfort your wife during this very difficult time. Guilty or not, you should seriously look at your behaviour of late and consider where you are going wrong. The public love you, but this will wane if you show your wife and the public disrespect….and the press will relish your downfall. Best wishes whatever.
Run-of-the-mill? Gutted. Who is this Evil Twin? I may have to wreak my devilish havoc on another site as, clearly, my work here has already been done by another.
Melissa quoted in the Supa Soaraway Sun today. NOW you’ve made it:
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006150416,00.html
Rupert Speyer advises that Boris is not alone. This gives
credence to the supposition that there is at least one other
party involved. So, just how many people are alleged to be
involved? And can others join in?
This is sad.
Mr Boris has kids who will meet other kids that know about this. What is the effect on them of this cruel nonsense
B is a good man trying to help his constituents like many others.That’s what should be on everyone’s mind.
There is a cost to pay for putiing out like that and perhaps this need to seek some shelter and comfort away from home is the result.
Maybe we should e-weave a protection spell of some kind to keep him safe from those who want to make him look foolish.
I hope he is well and that he remembers that its his path not anyone elses.
er…he’s an adult, maybe he should have kept his sword sheathed. If he as much as has lunch with a girl now it’s going to be hack-fodder. Not that I think his private details have anything to do with me or the public at large. As long as it doesn’t compromise his job I’m not interested. Well, except for one thing – if he HAS been having another affair, I sincerely hope it doesn’t bolster the career of another talentless individual. Forgive me but the catalogued flirtations of the Hardcastle columns deputy editor could be more accurately titled ‘interview with a tart’. I started reading the latest in the MoS and felt lunch coming up by about the third line.
Bear
Spot on!
With one or two honourable exceptions journalists seem to be the most deceitful of people. On the one hand they frantically run around crusading trying to find some poor sod to blame for anything that goes wrong. In doing so they ask in ‘concerned’ terms “How do you feel?” of people who have suffered from the something going wrong. Yet on the other hand could they care less about those who we might call innocent in all of this?
‘blown out of all proportion’. I don’t remember that accusation appearing in the article.
Jack Ramsey what ARE you like??? I agree with you about journalists but when Bear says:
then no I’m sorry, being an MP, even a very good MP, is NOT, in my opinion, a license to screw around outside your marriage.
Col.R. Slick (retd) – “blown out of all proportion” – never seen that done before, maybe that’s why people are interested in the video. Is it better than Pammmy and Tommy Lee? Butlins has always paled since I saw that one.
jaq
I meant spot on about the effect on the younger Johnsons so stop sticking pins into the Ramsey doll! I must admit I hadn’t read that sentence you quote very diligently.
There is no licence for serious deceit in personal relationships even if you are a saint in public life. It’s not like shifting money from the building society to the bank (no reference to Mdme Jowell).
If Boris has been climbing over the stockade then he should feel very bad indeed.
Colonel
Are you Grace’s uncle?
Jack – oh OK then, but I have such lovely pins it’s nice to get them out ocaasionaly.
I feel extremely bitter and twisted that Boris didn’t try to climb me. Mind you we did have an audience.
(I’m restricting myself to being so mild here, the jokes are going to come thick and fast from all sides from now on..)
Yup, journalists are definitely the most deceitful of people. Now, what was it Boris Johnson used to do for a living before he was sacked – sorry, resigned from The Spectator?
I don’t know, what DID he do? Was he sacked from the Speccie? Did he work there?
sympson1
I did mention honourable exceptions
sympson1 – the fact that Boris is an honourable exception is why he’s so popular.
Pray do tell, in what way has he demonstrated that he’s an ‘honourable exception’? By cheating on his wife? By traducing the good people of Liverpool and then apologising for it (and then saying he stood by everything he’d apologised for…)? By getting sacked from The Times for making up a quote?
Sympson – I sense an over reaction that would put Boris on the stake without a full and rounded knowledge of what he is about.
Over dramatisation is what the superficial elements of the press love and you would be music to their ears.
A more stoical and careful analysis would change the picture in great measure.
I thought the Speccy article about Liverpool had more than a grain of truth but of course we can’t be horrid about those loveable scallies can we?
BBC comics can be rude about East Anglians, Daily Mail readers, train spotters and all the rest of us that don’t come up to scratch as human beings but we mustn’t cast nasturtians at the cheeky chappies.
Be that as it may Mr. J. took full responsibility as editor even though it seems likely soemone else wrote it.
He may richly deserve a horsewhipping from Mrs. J’s brother but if he has transgressed there, it says nothing about his integrity as a journalist. Integrity and journalist. Words rarely seen together. Like nice and brocolli.
I love brocolli! (although I probably can’t spell it) and spinach is one of my very favourite foods.
That being said, I’ve never met a TABLOID (in entirely the perjorative sense) reporter who didn’t deserve to be tarred, feathered, dipped in boiling oil and have their tongue drawn out with pincers then burned before their eyes.
We must understand the fundamental difference between the gutter press (Sun, Mirror, News of the Screws, the Star etc), whose only aim seems to be to get a pair of tits on every page, and daily news journals where most of the photographs, astoundlingly, aren’t of tits or celebrities picking their nose over a quiet hamburger.
It is the latter variety from which the term ‘journalist’ derives. For the former, the term: ‘Evil minded, duplicitous weasel with no more right to walk God’s clean Earth than a plague rat’ is more appropriate in coloquial English.
A very old friend of mine was a reporter for a main stream ‘celebrity’ publication (you WILL recognise the name). On having turned up some dirt on some hapless victim in the public eye, he was asked by his Editor “Is this true?” to which he replied “Absolutely, and I can prove it!”
Imagine his surprise when his editor informed him: “Then we can’t print it” (because, apparently, various publicists would stop supplying the paper with the ‘sanitised dirt’ which these ‘celebrities’ wanted to have released)
So he left and got a job with a real newspaper.
And, for the record, I was in full agreement with Boris on his assessment of Liverpool and their wailing and shirt tearing over Ken Bigley (as are all of those of my colleagues who hail from Liverpool). The only thing that let Boris down was the apology.
Joe
Can I send you all the brocolli from our fridge? I’ll tell the memsahib it spontaneously combusted.
Glad to hear more tittle tattle from the red tops sounds like it is going to fail to remove such a talented, well liked and witty shadow minister.
This isn’t sleaze, selling peerages, and ruining the constitution is sleaze, lying to the public and to parliament over a subject so dire as a war is sleaze. This, even if it is true, is nothing more than voyeurism of the worst order. (Maybe the red tops should give away a dirty old raincoat with their next issue?)
Are any of my previous comments untrue? As to his role as an independent-minded journalist over the Liverpool affair, he should have stuck to his guns and refused to go there and apologise. But this honourable exception to the rule that all journalists are spineless creeps backed down the minute his then boss, Michael Something-of-the-night-about-him Howard, told him go north and genuflect. (I’m sure the approach would have been entirely different from David Something-of-the-nightclub-about-him Cameron.)Of course, splashing sensational headline-grabbing cliches about the Scallies is a great way to get a bit of controversy going and boost your sales. A typical trick of the more superficial elements of the press, like The Sun – and The Spectator. Only I doubt that the editor of The Sun would have grovelled like the editor of that bastion of the intellectual right in Doughty Street (even the street name has an ironic ring to it…).The fact is, there’s less distance between a tabloid hack and a ‘quality’ paper journalist than many think – why, a few of them were even at the same universities.
Yes, I agree, there is only the tiniest difference between the two species.
Unfortunately, these minutae appear to be measured in whatever the SI unit of integrity turns out to be. I propose the ‘Kant’? (he said in a, probably, vain attempt to forestall the wrath of raincoaster)
So, using this yardstick, we can now definitively state that tabloid reporters are a few Kants short of a brothel.
Jack and Joe went on a limb,which they really didn’t oughter.
That test , the classroom spelling bee, was good for Jill, my daughter.
But those two take the biscuit, for words they cannot spell;
Not quite as bad as Gaudrian. But nearly :bloody hell!
Pejorative and broccoli are words which they should learn.
Or someone really nasty will soon make their lug holes burn.
Joe: You did imply that a certain vegetable was probably spelt incorrectly.
Well I was right wasn’t I?
Mac
I think I got perjorative right at least once so can I have 1/3 for that one and I don’t care if I can’t spell the other – good excuse for failing to understand the shopping list. Otherwise I stand admonished and well done Jill.
If I swear a terrible oath not eat what I can’t spell that lets me off broc????? and also kisch?. Curry, steak, bacon and eggs I’m OK with.
And I can’t find ‘oughter’ in the dictionary anywhere.
Joe Mental – the more apposite word in the context of this discussion – be it to do with a News of the World hack or a Telegraph columnist – is ‘cant’…
Jack: You must carry on eating your unspellable bacon and egg pie. And pejorative is correct.
You were right Joe , ‘oughter’ is not even in dictionary of slang , so , like Quasimodo , I claim asylum in poetic license.
Mac
Wot! No first r in pejorative! I stand both corrected and educated!
raincoaster is staying well out of this, except to post mindless pictures and completely unallegorical games. As a member of the media, it’s the least I can do.
Also, it’s pretty clear that Team BoJo would like for all of this to calm down and go away. Without granting them any rights they obviously haven’t insisted upon, I’m going to do them the favour of not discussing the actual issue here. Maybe that’s a Canadian thing, but I’m just gonna give this site a bye on the whole issue.
I am glad we have at last been purged of the recent pejorative purgatory.
the more apposite word … is ‘cant’… (Sympson1)
True, at least according to my dictionary:
“1. insincere talk esp. concerning religion or morals; pious platitudes. 2. stock phrases that have become meaningless through repetition. 3. specialised vocabulary of a particular group, such as thieves, journalists, or lawyers.”
However, I believe that SI units are usually named after some individual (e.g. Newtons, Faradays, etc), and Joe’s suggestion of Kant fits the bill perfectly – but as a measure of dishonesty or lack of integrity, with Kant himself scoring zero kants (I don’t want to be swatted by raincoaster either), and Bliar scoring 6561.2 kants (at the last estimate).
I claim asylum in poetic license (Mac)
You are seeking asylum at the wrong desk, I’m afraid. The one you want is down the corridor on the right. It’s called ‘poetic licence’.
Asylum-seekers!!
Is it a thread about immigration now? Kewl.
“It’s actually far worse than they make it out to be. The truth of this matter is incredibly sordid, and if it gets out, it’ll be the end of Boris’ career.
She’s his ghostwriter.”
In case it’s of any interest raincoaster, you’ve been quoted in the Daily Mirror. Except they seem to have left the last line out. Funny that…
Thanks, David. Hmmm, should I alert the lawyers? In Canada The DM would get their asses handed to them for that. Good thing I work for lawyers, eh?
You wouldn’t happen to have a link, would you? Don’t seem to stock it ’round these parts. Or just a big quote showing context would be awesome.
I’m serious, dude. I could use the money.
Thank you idlex, your proposal is a much needed improvement to the Kant definition.
I would further suggest that the scale be logarithmic; the issue being that, for it to be a useful tool, one must be able to use it on ordinary people, up to (and including) Labour ministers.
I think the main engineering challenge would be to build a unit which can take reading from Tony B without exploding and injuring bystanders.
Further, using this terminology, we are rewarded by being able to legitimately say that the Labour party has a load of Kants in it.
By the way idlex, I think, if you review your data, the figure you quote of 6561.2, is actually in mega Kants.
Idlex { in true nerdy style , I purposely wrote LICENSE, in order to get tha inevitable response. both spellings are acceptable , even if licenCe is the more used. OED
Aha! Twas the Mirror. They all look alike, you know.
Totally, totally distorted by being taken out of context like that. It would be actionable here, no question. Dunno what it’s like over there; aren’t your libel rules pretty slanted in favour of the plaintiff?
Maybe your hero will get away with it this time. But, to paraphrase the Scottish porter, it’s towering vanity that pricks them on, and towering vanity that pricks them off again. I look forward to the next Act in this farce.
Is that really the metaphor you wanted right there?
I’m an anarchist. I have no heros. But he does have lovely hair.
I’m not an anarchist and I have no heros, except Hereward the Wake, but I do worry about people with heros. Some heros indicate clearly aggravated cases. Anyone whose heros include one or more of John Lennon, George Monbiot, Michael Moore or Noam Chomsky should get professional help for the sake of their families if it is not too late.
That should stir it up and get us off the vegetable thread.
OK, which hero is going to point out the obvious?
And that Mirror quote is truly amazing. One reason I gave up reading the Telegraph a year or two back was that I found that that they were pulling obscure stories off the web and printing them.
But the Mirror really is plumbing the depths here.
I would further suggest that the scale be logarithmic (Joe M)
Excellent idea. The thought briefly crossed my mind while I was contemplating Blair.
Same with the Kantmeter. But there should also be a definition of one standard Kant.
Boris and Prince Charles have not read the ten commandments – thou shall not committ adultery.
I think Boris should resign from the conservative party, it’s quite obvious he won’t have time, he’s never going to be able to get out of bed.
Um Brecht noch mal zu zittieren:
Andrea stated,” Ungluecklich das Land , das keine Helden hat!”
“Unhappy the land which has no heroes !”.
To which Galileo replied, ” Nein, ungluecklich das Land , das Helden noetig hat!”
” No, unhappy the land which needs heroes!”
Scene 13 from Brecht’s Life of Galileo.
Personally, I think everyone needs someone to look up to.
The French did have a particularly tasty Savoy cabbage though, Jack.
Idlex : may I suggest the nomenclature for the measure of the Kant? I would nominate “The Prescott” as a suitable ISA title. .
D E Strivens:
If you are on biblical quotes, may i suggest “judge not, lest thee be judged”, and “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.
ALSO don’t believe everything (or, indeed, ANYTHING) you read in the papers, especially the gutter press.
As to Charles and adultery…wasn’t his wife off with just about every male she came across? What’s good for the goose, etc.
;o)
Psi
Good point idlex.
In order to determine the scalar quantum of a Kant we can use one of three obvious methods.
1) Method one, minimum resolution
Using this method, we would define a kant as the minimum detectable ‘dishonest’ act.
Obvious candidates might be:
“Sorry, I’m late”
“The cheque’s in the post”
“Of course I’ll respect you in the morning”
2) Method 2, division between state changes
This method relies on two state changes in the same way as Celsius being the temperature difference (et al) between freezing and boiling point of water divided by some factor.
We could use a number of ranges for this.
a) Integrity difference between being offered a job (from unemployment) and being fired for fraud, graft or theft (divided by one hundred)
b) Difference between promising (and adhering to) “…love honour and obey…” and getting divorced for adultery. (divided by one hundred)
c) Difference between being elected to government, made Home Secretary, and getting kicked out for rushing through your au pair’s work permit. (divided by one thousand)
3) Method three, fixed definition
i.e. using a physical standard (like the meter or kilogram used to be)
Candidates for the standard may be:
a) Telling a traffic warden you have borrowed the car parked in the disabled space and your disabled sticker is on your own car.
b) Telling the wife you’re working late while ordering another pint.
c) Trying to get the wife’s boob job deductible against tax as a medical expense.
Other offers?
I think I’m leaning toward the fixed standard.
I propose we define:
“Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction and can deploy these, using a missile delivery system, against international targets in 45 minutes.”
as one Gigakant.
Breaking news
Integrity Meter
I
The technology, developed by an Israeli company, is apparently so sophisticated that it can even tell whether people’s answers come from memory or imagination. (Joe’s link above)
I think it would go up in a puff of smoke if Blair was ever required to use it.
I think he speaks from remembered imagination, or perhaps the imagined memory of remembered imagination, or something yet more convoluted.
Kant himself would be ALL FOR a fixed standard. No relativist, he!
I asked a friend of mine to go out and get a copy of the Mirror for me, as I live thousands of miles away and have never actually seen one in the pulpy flesh, and she said no, it would be too mortifying to be seen buying it. She sent her teenager instead.
I shall have the ultimate revenge in this matter. I’m putting them on my CV; any UK paper except the Sun reads off the scale of the posh-o-meter here in Vancouver. You may now go read Beckett or something.
I see that Boris is now the subject of a long piece – From Kinsey to Boris: Sex and the Satyr – by Paul Vallely in today’s Independent.
One thing that nobody has pointed out is that, on this blog, a number of women have been recently declaring that they too wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with Boris.
If this is generally the case, then it may well be that any number of women are hurling themselves at Boris, much as they do with rock stars and other celebrities. But does anyone accuse, say, Mick Jagger of satyriasis as a consequence?
I ask myself: what would I do in such a grim circumstance? And I think I know the answer.
Ladies of my acquaintance, normally known for competing with each other in finding the most vile expressions to use of men who play away, seem to have come over very winsome and chatter mischieviously about what a naughty boy Boris is. There is of course no point in suggesting consistency.
I do believe that the ageless, ( Ha bloody ha! ),rocker spends inordinate amounts of time , and indeed money, trying to find that priceless piece of the unattainable ; ‘eternal youth’; even spurning the company of similarly aged people as himself.
If this were not to give the impression of his being able, and willing, to do an imitation of the fictitious hybrid man/goat creature, why else?
Some time agonow I wrote a few lines protecting ones rights to battle the ooncoming tide of the years . To me it fits this bit perfectly.
It wouldn’t be at all surprising;
If; ageing now; you’d lost your bottle
Just look at your crepe bandage skin;
Your neck hangs loose, like turkey wattle.
Don’t you like your current image,
Now you see how you have changed?
You should see a plastic surgeon;
If you’d like it rearranged.
You don’t like the wrinkled dishcloth
hanging there, where once was face?
But you’re still the self-same person:
Growing old is no disgrace.
Getting old should make one happy,
Your general health is up to par,
Don’t think of the alternative:
Thank the Lord you’ve got this far
The cover of the book you’re reading,
Matters not; it’s what’s within,
Old fiddles play the sweetest music:
Said Stradivarius with a grin.
But, since this verse is academic:
And your prowess has been proved;
Reputation’s all that matters;
The Party waits, it won’t be moved.
There’s one thing of real importance:
Your faculties are all in place
Silly wrinkles; they don’t matter;
We need someone to save the race.
If I’ve inadvertantly posted this a second time , I apologise for the oversight.
For the record, you should know that not all of us would have said yes. Let us shy away from generalizations. Always.
As a mere male , I believe it’s always easier to turn down an invitation that was never made .
Or to accept it.
Good one Mac
Idlex – good mention of Boriswatch in the article you pointed out. It is ironic that satisfaction seems to elude the satyrs.
and even the satirists dear Melissa.
Will someone PLEASE give this man a copy of Louis Malle’s film “Damage”
It was originally a Josephine Hart book. A good beach read, if trashy.
Sympathetic piece by Terence Blacker in yesterday’s Indy. Unfortunately you can’t read it unless you’ve signed on for the Independent Portfolio. So here are a couple of excerpts:
Johnson’s difficulty in keeping himself zipped up, which apparently should be described as “compulsive sexual activity”, has had the sexological experts in a froth of public concern. Having affairs was “about not relating to someone properly”, announced a Jungian analyst in the Sunday papers. “It feeds a constant desire to repeat the exercise in the futile hope of finding fulfilment. It can lead to severe depression. In order to treat Boris, we would probably need years of therapy. It is a serious disorder pointing to deeper problems.”
A few people – a few hundred thousand people, probably – might have shifted uneasily as they read those words over breakfast, and wondered whether the fact that in their own lives they might have enjoyed the occasional higher educational supplement away from home pointed the way to depression and years of therapy.
He ends:
But the bets and bangs of Boris and Wayne [Rooney], as reported over the past few days, are hardly the most serious of sins, and both of them have the talent and strength to move beyond them. It is society’s wider addiction, represented by a culture which reveres sex and money, yet loves to gloat over the misfortunes of public figures who are in trouble as a result of them, that is very much more serious. It takes the form of prurient pleasure and holier-than-thou moralising in the media. As with the Jungian’s verdict on infidelity, it involves forever repeating the experience in the hope of finding fulfilment. It is a serious disorder pointing to deeper problems.
Thanks for that idlex.
Melissa, you’re back in the Guardian’s Backbencher again. A regular in the Guardian, imagine that! This won’t do your reputation any good at all!
They are getting a little arch, I must say.