Media
*****************************************************************************************************
Boris returns from China at the end of the week.
Message from our Constituency Office today:
Boris Johnson is an excellent constituency Member of Parliament and has our full support. Recent and current press reports are of a personal nature and we have no comment to make on them at all.
mcw
*****************************************************************************************************
127 Comments
I thought the Speccy article about Liverpool had more than a grain of truth but of course we can’t be horrid about those loveable scallies can we?
BBC comics can be rude about East Anglians, Daily Mail readers, train spotters and all the rest of us that don’t come up to scratch as human beings but we mustn’t cast nasturtians at the cheeky chappies.
Be that as it may Mr. J. took full responsibility as editor even though it seems likely soemone else wrote it.
He may richly deserve a horsewhipping from Mrs. J’s brother but if he has transgressed there, it says nothing about his integrity as a journalist. Integrity and journalist. Words rarely seen together. Like nice and brocolli.
Rate This:
0 
0
I love brocolli! (although I probably can’t spell it) and spinach is one of my very favourite foods.
That being said, I’ve never met a TABLOID (in entirely the perjorative sense) reporter who didn’t deserve to be tarred, feathered, dipped in boiling oil and have their tongue drawn out with pincers then burned before their eyes.
We must understand the fundamental difference between the gutter press (Sun, Mirror, News of the Screws, the Star etc), whose only aim seems to be to get a pair of tits on every page, and daily news journals where most of the photographs, astoundlingly, aren’t of tits or celebrities picking their nose over a quiet hamburger.
It is the latter variety from which the term ‘journalist’ derives. For the former, the term: ‘Evil minded, duplicitous weasel with no more right to walk God’s clean Earth than a plague rat’ is more appropriate in coloquial English.
A very old friend of mine was a reporter for a main stream ‘celebrity’ publication (you WILL recognise the name). On having turned up some dirt on some hapless victim in the public eye, he was asked by his Editor “Is this true?” to which he replied “Absolutely, and I can prove it!”
Imagine his surprise when his editor informed him: “Then we can’t print it” (because, apparently, various publicists would stop supplying the paper with the ‘sanitised dirt’ which these ‘celebrities’ wanted to have released)
So he left and got a job with a real newspaper.
And, for the record, I was in full agreement with Boris on his assessment of Liverpool and their wailing and shirt tearing over Ken Bigley (as are all of those of my colleagues who hail from Liverpool). The only thing that let Boris down was the apology.
Rate This:
0 
0
Joe
Can I send you all the brocolli from our fridge? I’ll tell the memsahib it spontaneously combusted.
Rate This:
0 
0
Glad to hear more tittle tattle from the red tops sounds like it is going to fail to remove such a talented, well liked and witty shadow minister.
This isn’t sleaze, selling peerages, and ruining the constitution is sleaze, lying to the public and to parliament over a subject so dire as a war is sleaze. This, even if it is true, is nothing more than voyeurism of the worst order. (Maybe the red tops should give away a dirty old raincoat with their next issue?)
Rate This:
0 
0
Are any of my previous comments untrue? As to his role as an independent-minded journalist over the Liverpool affair, he should have stuck to his guns and refused to go there and apologise. But this honourable exception to the rule that all journalists are spineless creeps backed down the minute his then boss, Michael Something-of-the-night-about-him Howard, told him go north and genuflect. (I’m sure the approach would have been entirely different from David Something-of-the-nightclub-about-him Cameron.)Of course, splashing sensational headline-grabbing cliches about the Scallies is a great way to get a bit of controversy going and boost your sales. A typical trick of the more superficial elements of the press, like The Sun – and The Spectator. Only I doubt that the editor of The Sun would have grovelled like the editor of that bastion of the intellectual right in Doughty Street (even the street name has an ironic ring to it…).The fact is, there’s less distance between a tabloid hack and a ‘quality’ paper journalist than many think – why, a few of them were even at the same universities.
Rate This:
0 
0
Yes, I agree, there is only the tiniest difference between the two species.
Unfortunately, these minutae appear to be measured in whatever the SI unit of integrity turns out to be. I propose the ‘Kant’? (he said in a, probably, vain attempt to forestall the wrath of raincoaster)
So, using this yardstick, we can now definitively state that tabloid reporters are a few Kants short of a brothel.
Rate This:
0 
0
Jack and Joe went on a limb,which they really didn’t oughter.
That test , the classroom spelling bee, was good for Jill, my daughter.
But those two take the biscuit, for words they cannot spell;
Not quite as bad as Gaudrian. But nearly :bloody hell!
Pejorative and broccoli are words which they should learn.
Or someone really nasty will soon make their lug holes burn.
Joe: You did imply that a certain vegetable was probably spelt incorrectly.
Rate This:
0 
0
Well I was right wasn’t I?
Rate This:
0 
0
Mac
I think I got perjorative right at least once so can I have 1/3 for that one and I don’t care if I can’t spell the other – good excuse for failing to understand the shopping list. Otherwise I stand admonished and well done Jill.
If I swear a terrible oath not eat what I can’t spell that lets me off broc????? and also kisch?. Curry, steak, bacon and eggs I’m OK with.
Rate This:
0 
0
And I can’t find ‘oughter’ in the dictionary anywhere.
Rate This:
0 
0
Joe Mental – the more apposite word in the context of this discussion – be it to do with a News of the World hack or a Telegraph columnist – is ‘cant’…
Rate This:
0 
0
Jack: You must carry on eating your unspellable bacon and egg pie. And pejorative is correct.
You were right Joe , ‘oughter’ is not even in dictionary of slang , so , like Quasimodo , I claim asylum in poetic license.
Rate This:
0 
0
Mac
Wot! No first r in pejorative! I stand both corrected and educated!
Rate This:
0 
0
raincoaster is staying well out of this, except to post mindless pictures and completely unallegorical games. As a member of the media, it’s the least I can do.
Also, it’s pretty clear that Team BoJo would like for all of this to calm down and go away. Without granting them any rights they obviously haven’t insisted upon, I’m going to do them the favour of not discussing the actual issue here. Maybe that’s a Canadian thing, but I’m just gonna give this site a bye on the whole issue.
Rate This:
0 
0
I am glad we have at last been purged of the recent pejorative purgatory.
the more apposite word … is ‘cant’… (Sympson1)
True, at least according to my dictionary:
“1. insincere talk esp. concerning religion or morals; pious platitudes. 2. stock phrases that have become meaningless through repetition. 3. specialised vocabulary of a particular group, such as thieves, journalists, or lawyers.”
However, I believe that SI units are usually named after some individual (e.g. Newtons, Faradays, etc), and Joe’s suggestion of Kant fits the bill perfectly – but as a measure of dishonesty or lack of integrity, with Kant himself scoring zero kants (I don’t want to be swatted by raincoaster either), and Bliar scoring 6561.2 kants (at the last estimate).
I claim asylum in poetic license (Mac)
You are seeking asylum at the wrong desk, I’m afraid. The one you want is down the corridor on the right. It’s called ‘poetic licence’.
Asylum-seekers!!
Rate This:
0 
0
Is it a thread about immigration now? Kewl.
Rate This:
0 
0
“It’s actually far worse than they make it out to be. The truth of this matter is incredibly sordid, and if it gets out, it’ll be the end of Boris’ career.
She’s his ghostwriter.”
In case it’s of any interest raincoaster, you’ve been quoted in the Daily Mirror. Except they seem to have left the last line out. Funny that…
Rate This:
0 
0
Thanks, David. Hmmm, should I alert the lawyers? In Canada The DM would get their asses handed to them for that. Good thing I work for lawyers, eh?
Rate This:
0 
0
You wouldn’t happen to have a link, would you? Don’t seem to stock it ’round these parts. Or just a big quote showing context would be awesome.
Rate This:
0 
0
I’m serious, dude. I could use the money.
Rate This:
0 
0
Thank you idlex, your proposal is a much needed improvement to the Kant definition.
I would further suggest that the scale be logarithmic; the issue being that, for it to be a useful tool, one must be able to use it on ordinary people, up to (and including) Labour ministers.
I think the main engineering challenge would be to build a unit which can take reading from Tony B without exploding and injuring bystanders.
Further, using this terminology, we are rewarded by being able to legitimately say that the Labour party has a load of Kants in it.
Rate This:
0 
0
By the way idlex, I think, if you review your data, the figure you quote of 6561.2, is actually in mega Kants.
Rate This:
0 
0
Idlex { in true nerdy style , I purposely wrote LICENSE, in order to get tha inevitable response. both spellings are acceptable , even if licenCe is the more used. OED
Rate This:
0 
0
Aha! Twas the Mirror. They all look alike, you know.
Totally, totally distorted by being taken out of context like that. It would be actionable here, no question. Dunno what it’s like over there; aren’t your libel rules pretty slanted in favour of the plaintiff?
Rate This:
0 
0
Maybe your hero will get away with it this time. But, to paraphrase the Scottish porter, it’s towering vanity that pricks them on, and towering vanity that pricks them off again. I look forward to the next Act in this farce.
Rate This:
0 
0
Is that really the metaphor you wanted right there?
I’m an anarchist. I have no heros. But he does have lovely hair.
Rate This:
0 
0
I’m not an anarchist and I have no heros, except Hereward the Wake, but I do worry about people with heros. Some heros indicate clearly aggravated cases. Anyone whose heros include one or more of John Lennon, George Monbiot, Michael Moore or Noam Chomsky should get professional help for the sake of their families if it is not too late.
That should stir it up and get us off the vegetable thread.
Rate This:
0 
0
OK, which hero is going to point out the obvious?
And that Mirror quote is truly amazing. One reason I gave up reading the Telegraph a year or two back was that I found that that they were pulling obscure stories off the web and printing them.
But the Mirror really is plumbing the depths here.
Rate This:
0 
0
I would further suggest that the scale be logarithmic (Joe M)
Excellent idea. The thought briefly crossed my mind while I was contemplating Blair.
Same with the Kantmeter. But there should also be a definition of one standard Kant.
Rate This:
0 
0
Boris and Prince Charles have not read the ten commandments – thou shall not committ adultery.
I think Boris should resign from the conservative party, it’s quite obvious he won’t have time, he’s never going to be able to get out of bed.
Rate This:
0 
0
Um Brecht noch mal zu zittieren:
Andrea stated,” Ungluecklich das Land , das keine Helden hat!”
“Unhappy the land which has no heroes !”.
To which Galileo replied, ” Nein, ungluecklich das Land , das Helden noetig hat!”
” No, unhappy the land which needs heroes!”
Scene 13 from Brecht’s Life of Galileo.
Personally, I think everyone needs someone to look up to.
The French did have a particularly tasty Savoy cabbage though, Jack.
Rate This:
0 
0
Idlex : may I suggest the nomenclature for the measure of the Kant? I would nominate “The Prescott” as a suitable ISA title. .
Rate This:
0 
0
D E Strivens:
If you are on biblical quotes, may i suggest “judge not, lest thee be judged”, and “let he who is without sin cast the first stone”.
ALSO don’t believe everything (or, indeed, ANYTHING) you read in the papers, especially the gutter press.
As to Charles and adultery…wasn’t his wife off with just about every male she came across? What’s good for the goose, etc.
;o)
Psi
Rate This:
0 
0
Good point idlex.
In order to determine the scalar quantum of a Kant we can use one of three obvious methods.
1) Method one, minimum resolution
Using this method, we would define a kant as the minimum detectable ‘dishonest’ act.
Obvious candidates might be:
“Sorry, I’m late”
“The cheque’s in the post”
“Of course I’ll respect you in the morning”
2) Method 2, division between state changes
This method relies on two state changes in the same way as Celsius being the temperature difference (et al) between freezing and boiling point of water divided by some factor.
We could use a number of ranges for this.
a) Integrity difference between being offered a job (from unemployment) and being fired for fraud, graft or theft (divided by one hundred)
b) Difference between promising (and adhering to) “…love honour and obey…” and getting divorced for adultery. (divided by one hundred)
c) Difference between being elected to government, made Home Secretary, and getting kicked out for rushing through your au pair’s work permit. (divided by one thousand)
3) Method three, fixed definition
i.e. using a physical standard (like the meter or kilogram used to be)
Candidates for the standard may be:
a) Telling a traffic warden you have borrowed the car parked in the disabled space and your disabled sticker is on your own car.
b) Telling the wife you’re working late while ordering another pint.
c) Trying to get the wife’s boob job deductible against tax as a medical expense.
Other offers?
Rate This:
0 
0
I think I’m leaning toward the fixed standard.
I propose we define:
“Saddam Hussein possesses weapons of mass destruction and can deploy these, using a missile delivery system, against international targets in 45 minutes.”
as one Gigakant.
Rate This:
0 
0
Breaking news
Integrity Meter
I
Rate This:
0 
0
The technology, developed by an Israeli company, is apparently so sophisticated that it can even tell whether people’s answers come from memory or imagination. (Joe’s link above)
I think it would go up in a puff of smoke if Blair was ever required to use it.
I think he speaks from remembered imagination, or perhaps the imagined memory of remembered imagination, or something yet more convoluted.
Rate This:
0 
0
Kant himself would be ALL FOR a fixed standard. No relativist, he!
I asked a friend of mine to go out and get a copy of the Mirror for me, as I live thousands of miles away and have never actually seen one in the pulpy flesh, and she said no, it would be too mortifying to be seen buying it. She sent her teenager instead.
I shall have the ultimate revenge in this matter. I’m putting them on my CV; any UK paper except the Sun reads off the scale of the posh-o-meter here in Vancouver. You may now go read Beckett or something.
Rate This:
0 
0
I see that Boris is now the subject of a long piece – From Kinsey to Boris: Sex and the Satyr – by Paul Vallely in today’s Independent.
One thing that nobody has pointed out is that, on this blog, a number of women have been recently declaring that they too wouldn’t mind a roll in the hay with Boris.
If this is generally the case, then it may well be that any number of women are hurling themselves at Boris, much as they do with rock stars and other celebrities. But does anyone accuse, say, Mick Jagger of satyriasis as a consequence?
I ask myself: what would I do in such a grim circumstance? And I think I know the answer.
Rate This:
0 
0
Ladies of my acquaintance, normally known for competing with each other in finding the most vile expressions to use of men who play away, seem to have come over very winsome and chatter mischieviously about what a naughty boy Boris is. There is of course no point in suggesting consistency.
Rate This:
0 
0
I do believe that the ageless, ( Ha bloody ha! ),rocker spends inordinate amounts of time , and indeed money, trying to find that priceless piece of the unattainable ; ‘eternal youth’; even spurning the company of similarly aged people as himself.
If this were not to give the impression of his being able, and willing, to do an imitation of the fictitious hybrid man/goat creature, why else?
Some time agonow I wrote a few lines protecting ones rights to battle the ooncoming tide of the years . To me it fits this bit perfectly.
It wouldn’t be at all surprising;
If; ageing now; you’d lost your bottle
Just look at your crepe bandage skin;
Your neck hangs loose, like turkey wattle.
Don’t you like your current image,
Now you see how you have changed?
You should see a plastic surgeon;
If you’d like it rearranged.
You don’t like the wrinkled dishcloth
hanging there, where once was face?
But you’re still the self-same person:
Growing old is no disgrace.
Getting old should make one happy,
Your general health is up to par,
Don’t think of the alternative:
Thank the Lord you’ve got this far
The cover of the book you’re reading,
Matters not; it’s what’s within,
Old fiddles play the sweetest music:
Said Stradivarius with a grin.
But, since this verse is academic:
And your prowess has been proved;
Reputation’s all that matters;
The Party waits, it won’t be moved.
There’s one thing of real importance:
Your faculties are all in place
Silly wrinkles; they don’t matter;
We need someone to save the race.
If I’ve inadvertantly posted this a second time , I apologise for the oversight.
Rate This:
0 
0
For the record, you should know that not all of us would have said yes. Let us shy away from generalizations. Always.
Rate This:
0 
0
As a mere male , I believe it’s always easier to turn down an invitation that was never made .
Rate This:
0 
0
Or to accept it.
Rate This:
0 
0
Good one Mac
Idlex – good mention of Boriswatch in the article you pointed out. It is ironic that satisfaction seems to elude the satyrs.
Rate This:
0 
0
and even the satirists dear Melissa.
Rate This:
0 
0
Will someone PLEASE give this man a copy of Louis Malle’s film “Damage”
Rate This:
0 
0
It was originally a Josephine Hart book. A good beach read, if trashy.
Rate This:
0 
0
Sympathetic piece by Terence Blacker in yesterday’s Indy. Unfortunately you can’t read it unless you’ve signed on for the Independent Portfolio. So here are a couple of excerpts:
Johnson’s difficulty in keeping himself zipped up, which apparently should be described as “compulsive sexual activity”, has had the sexological experts in a froth of public concern. Having affairs was “about not relating to someone properly”, announced a Jungian analyst in the Sunday papers. “It feeds a constant desire to repeat the exercise in the futile hope of finding fulfilment. It can lead to severe depression. In order to treat Boris, we would probably need years of therapy. It is a serious disorder pointing to deeper problems.”
A few people – a few hundred thousand people, probably – might have shifted uneasily as they read those words over breakfast, and wondered whether the fact that in their own lives they might have enjoyed the occasional higher educational supplement away from home pointed the way to depression and years of therapy.
He ends:
But the bets and bangs of Boris and Wayne [Rooney], as reported over the past few days, are hardly the most serious of sins, and both of them have the talent and strength to move beyond them. It is society’s wider addiction, represented by a culture which reveres sex and money, yet loves to gloat over the misfortunes of public figures who are in trouble as a result of them, that is very much more serious. It takes the form of prurient pleasure and holier-than-thou moralising in the media. As with the Jungian’s verdict on infidelity, it involves forever repeating the experience in the hope of finding fulfilment. It is a serious disorder pointing to deeper problems.
Rate This:
0 
0
Thanks for that idlex.
Melissa, you’re back in the Guardian’s Backbencher again. A regular in the Guardian, imagine that! This won’t do your reputation any good at all!
They are getting a little arch, I must say.
Rate This:
0 
0