As in the DT column today
Boris was seen to be going begging recently …..
I threw off my bedclothes and charged out into the rain to continue knocking on doors and accosting strangers in the hope of persuading them to vote Conservative
Labour has run out of hope, money and ideas
Look. Please. I know it is always undignified when a grown man begs, but I woke up recently and had a horrifying thought. I seemed to see Tony in power for another four years. There he was, once again on the steps of Downing Street, with Cherie draped all over him like a flannel, and then the camera zoomed in for the tight head shot, and the look of holy rapture on Blair’s face started subtly to mutate, and omigosh, I thought, it’s coming, here it comes, here it comes… And aaargh, I thought. This is it.
The lips drew back; the corners of the mouth went up, and there it all suddenly was, that gigawatt dentistry, grinning a smile of luminous and incandescent prime ministerial triumph, like a cross between the Joker in Batman and a sex-crazed chipmunk. And with a howl of horror I threw off my bedclothes and charged out into the rain to continue knocking on doors and accosting strangers in the hope of persuading them to vote Conservative, and I hope you will not think it amiss, dear reader, if I now ask you, at this eleventh hour, to consider doing the same.
This is no time for any more bashing Labour. I will say no more this week about this clapped-out, deceitful, nannying and discredited government, and I have no comment on its stooges and would-be coalition partners, the Lib Dems, who believe that every problem can be addressed by raising taxes.
I ask you today to vote Conservative in a spirit of optimism and confidence, and because only the Conservatives have the power and the policies to help some of the people I have met in the course of the campaign. Take the woman delivering papers. There she was, pushing stuff through the doors ahead of me, and at first I thought she was out on the campaign trail herself. She had two children with her, and a pile of free newspapers at the bottom of the pram that she had undertaken, for a pittance, to deliver from door to door.
No, she said, slightly tetchily, she wasn’t going to vote for anyone. She was fed up with politicians. Look what had happened to her. Her husband had just been told he couldn’t work more than 48 hours per week, and it was costing them, as a family, £500 per month. “Shush!” she said to her children, and then made as if to get on with her rounds.
I leapt out of the way of the pram, as all canvassing MPs must, and then it suddenly occurred to me that yes, I could help her. Or rather, that the Conservative Party could help her. Here it was, that intersection between a manifesto pledge and a real human existence. If we Conservatives are elected today, we will immediately begin negotiations to opt back out of the Social Chapter, and the imposition of the 48-hour week. We would get rid of the restriction that applies to her husband, I told her. She looked at me appraisingly.
“You all say that,” she said. “You all make promises.” But it’s true, I said; and she gave me a wan smile and went on her way, the children tagging in her wake. Then by a complete fluke – or perhaps it is a sign of the intensity with which we have been campaigning – I met both of them together, husband and wife, not three hours later, and he accepted my campaign leaflet, and described how maddening it was that he was prevented by the state from earning enough money to feed his family, and thereby forcing his wife to spend her afternoons delivering papers.
“Why should they tell me what to do?” he said.
And I think he is right. It must be infuriating, and there is only one party that is pledged to give him back that freedom – the elementary freedom to choose the number of hours he wants to spend in gainful employment. He isn’t being helped by Labour’s minimum wage. The Lib Dems have absolutely nothing to offer him, not least since they are in favour of even more harmonisation at a European level, and of handing even more decision-making power over to majority voting in Brussels. It is only the Conservative Party that will go back to Brussels and change our obligations under the Social Chapter – obligations that Labour ministers themselves believe are insanely prescriptive, but which they have failed to oppose for fear of seeming anti-European.
We oppose the Social Chapter not because we are anti-European, but because we think the British and European economies are in danger of losing competitiveness, and do not need to be run with that degree of regulation, and we will restore the opt-out not for any reasons of dogma, but because it would help people like the couple I just met. If you think we should be helping such people, on modest incomes, who are already paying a huge quantity in tax, then I hope you will vote Conservative today.
If you do, you will be helping the pensioners who are being stung for huge quantities of council tax, and who face an expensive uprating of their properties under this Government. You will be helping young families who are finding it hard to buy property in this area, and who would be helped by the Tory proposal to lift the threshold for stamp duty to £250,000.
You would be helping the pensioners who feel humiliated by the process of proving they are poor enough to claim benefits, and whose pensions would once again be uprated in line with earnings and not with inflation. You would be helping the doctors and nurses to run cleaner hospitals, by ceasing to belabour them with targets and commands. You would be helping the policemen, who still can’t understand why they have to spend so much time filling in a form every time they stop someone for questioning, when they should be out on the streets and allaying people’s fear of crime.
You would be helping teachers who feel like leaving the profession because they are not only blizzarded with paperwork but also given absolutely no support in the matter of disciplining their pupils. You would be helping British universities to achieve financial independence, and escape the jackboot of Gordon Brown and the Treasury.
Above all, you should vote Tory if you think you are paying too much in tax, and you think it unfair that the burden should fall so heavily on the poor, and if you think hiring 850,000 state sector employees and losing a million manufacturing jobs is no way to run an economy. We can’t just drift on with a Labour administration that has plainly run out of money, hope and ideas, and wait for Tony to pass the torch to Gordon. Vote Tory for freedom, democracy and taxpayer value.
Let’s hope that the country sees sense, because I don’t think I could stand another five years of that grinning idiot in number 10.
Well said Boris, if the rictus afflicted, self appointed President should get in again, we are done for.
To reprise the old typing exercise:-
Now is the time for all good men to come to the aid of the party.
It is time after all
“And with a howl of horror I threw off my bedclothes and charged out into the rain to continue knocking on doors and accosting strangers in the hope of persuading them to vote Conservative, and I hope you will not think it amiss, dear reader, if I now ask you, at this eleventh hour, to consider doing the same.”
If you mean by doing the same you mean voting Conservative, then please make your sentence construction less ambiguous. I ‘yowled in horror and … accosted strangers’, still dressed in my night attire (a rather alluring mickey mouse teeshirt, and diaphanous kilt). I suspect that very few of the accostees were persuaded by my message.
It is Time, Macarnie!
I thought you might like this.Turn your speakers on!
http://www.viralgods.com/clips/wasntme/
Boris, you are a legend. I’m entirely grateful for your wonderfully humourous anecdotes, which I might add, are inavriably underpinned by a serious, well articualted, point. The day you become Prime Minister will be the day that politics becomes interesting again. No spin, no broken promises, just honest open debate … telling it like it is, with a tinge of much needed light-heartedness, in some cases. For example, I thought your performance in the recent Kirsty Wark interview was brilliant – Kirsty appeared to genuinely enjoy the experience. I may not live in your constituency but you have my support Boris, even though it is principally in spirit. Rest assured, I’m not alone in this respect, as several of my closest friends think along similar lines. Long may you remain a Conservative MP.
P.S. truly hope Blair/New Labour gets booted out, when we wake up tomorrow. I’ll do my bit but I kinda think the current shadow cabinet is too hard edge and cannot shake off the nasty tag … except maybe for Messrs Letwin and Lansley. If we lose, please get rid of Howard, Fox, May, Ancram – they simply do not connect with the middle ground undecideds (Newsnight proved that last night). Without these voters, we cannot oust Labour. It isn’t rocket science. Please make a leadership bid Boris !
Steve
Now now, strictly speaking, is it not the case a vote for any UK party is a vote for democracy, as the act is reinforcing that process?
Unless there’s a fascist party standing somewhere I don’t know about.
Democracy? What democracy? Labour’s current (roughly) 38% of the polls will win it 60% of the representation in parliament. The Conservatives’ current 32% will win them 26% of the representation. The Lib Dems’ current 23% will win them just 9% of the representation.
How, pray, is that democratic? I’ve been voting since 1970 and on only one occasion has that resulted in any kind of representation in Parliament. Believe me, I’ve tried asking for help from the ones I didn’t vote for but which still claim to ‘represent’ me as my constituency MP. The slightest sniff of an opinion that conflicts with their official party line and you get a form letter back.
Any politician who tells you first-past-the-post is a democratic system is either self-serving or just plain stupid. We were appalled when the American election came down to two states: now we’re about to decide our own election in a handful of marginals and yet we still manage to come over all smug about how ‘democratic’ we are.
Democracy? Say what? Do the math.
Proportional representation then Mark? It’s a shame that the only party that calls for it has a snowball’s chance of hell with regards to being elected. Of course no party in government will want to change the system that elected them.
As an aside I was bemused to listen to Today yesterday (ha!) and hear a little spotty 16 year old teenager complain that he could be taxed but not vote. He rolled out “No taxation without representation”. I didn’t realise that all of out 16 year olds were, in fact, american; although the spread of the “bling, bling” culture should have made me more aware.
Very well put, amusing and intelligent. In reply however I can only say simply: No. I won’t.
Best of luck today, Boris.
Yes, proportional representation (and I don’t mean that the parties get to choose who gets in, I mean STV where I get to ‘rank’ candidates in my order of preference).
Indeed, we are no more ‘democratic’ than the Colonials across the Pond, it’s ridiculous that it comes down to a few seats where the population don’t really care.
“No taxation without representation” was a cry by the British colonists against their own government, I think it all too appropriate that we raise the same cry here. The message should have got across over 200 years ago…
Have to agree with you Mark, perhaps an option of ‘none of the above’ would help people bother to vote. I’ve heard many people say they are torn between a good local candidate they like and a leader and ‘party’ they don’t.
Good luck then, I’ve been and gone and done it!
Er, http://www.dti.gov.uk/er/work_time_regs/ says employees can still opt out of the WTD, unless they’re medics or transport workers (and in which case there are legitimate safety concerns for the /rest of us/ if they’re working whilst too tired).
Let’s hope that the county sees sense, because I don’t think I could stand another five years of that grinning idiot representing Henley.
Remember his inappropriate comments regarding Liverpool.
Remember his affair.
Remember Michael Howard gave Boris the sack for dropping his pants and not telling the truth.
Let’s finish the job…
Tactically vote Lib Dem and give Boris the boot!
>For those vital few still thinking about voting
————————————————
There’s not much incentive to turn out and vote
They’ve similar menu’s: all table d’hote
If you go for a party; what on earth do you get?
You find with some parties, you’re deeper in debt.
I believe; with the next man, the strong helps the weak
But things went too far, my retirement looks bleak
I worked all my life; paid my dues; as I should
Now I find that I pay for some workshy’s big brood.
I dare not be ill, there’s no place on the wards,
For the beds are all taken by immigrant hordes.
There are lots bringing Aids;even brought back TB.
I can’t get asylum. Oh Lord: pity me.
Everyone bangs on about new Human Rights
I don’t understand how they all sleep at nights
Those screaming “Foul”, are the non-settled few
Where are the rights for the rest: me and you ?
There’s only one party will put these things right
Vote Blue, and perhaps we can all sleep at night.
Interesting observation, Chris. No taxation without representation. I think I’ll get some badges made up.
Barry – I think if you check you’ll find that the Lib Dems are committed to a referendum on constitional reform. Of course they could change their colours if they won, but that’s not likely to happen. On the other hand if they got into a bargaining position, through a hung parliament, they’d have to press for their referendum in order to survive.
Jaq – that’s another conceit Westminster indulges in: the notion that they can keep sweeping low turn-outs under the carpet. In my book, any turn-out below 50% should be treated as a rejection of all the available candidates, and the election should be declared null and void.
Ah sorry Mark, my wording was bad. I didn’t mean to say that the LibDems would change their mind if they got it, I was trying to say there is no kick for either Labour or the Conservatives to change the current voting methods because under it they win.
Ah OK, Barry. I musta missunda stood.
NO TAXATION WITHOUT REPRESENTATION!!!
I’d just like to say, on behalf of all Manchester United fans – GOOD LUCK BORIS!
http://www.unitedrant.co.uk/archives/2005/05/vote_boris_anti_1.html
Nobby ~ nobody would do that, surely ….
“Please make a leadership bid Boris !”
Here, here!
I went out at 7.25 am and voted aginst the toadying Major Eric Joyce. 60 years ago I would have had a second vote to help elect the member for the Scottish Universities [memorably held once by John Buchan]: anyone offering to return said second vote wins my approval and even a few bawbees to help with election expenses.
It’s a sobering thought, I might nip out and buy a cheap TV so I can put my foot through it when Blair – grinning like a psychotic chimp – appears on the steps of Downing Street.
Hey Melissa! Got plenty of Red Bull in? Well anything red has to be bull doesn’t it?
Catch you later….
I’ve made a fairly exhaustive list of when the seats of the most notable MPs are being declared- specifically Boris, the doctor from Wyre Forest, along with most of the higher-ups in the Cabinet and Shadow Cabinet. See the link to my site for downloading (its a 40 or so kilobyte PDF file so no worries).
Jaq – yes, catch you later sunshine! more like blue curacao…
David – I did like your list and now have it printed and on my ‘For Election Night’ pile
…the tension is aching …
We shall see.
What’s interesting is that, according to Anthony King in the Telegraph today, the more blows Michael Howard scored on Tony Blair the *worse* the Tories did. Untangle that one.
The explanation offered is this: most people accept everything Michael Howard says about Tony Blair and then conclude: “All politicians are like that.”
But maybe that’s too simple.
Perhaps people are associating the “liar” accusation purely with The “dodgy document” on Iraq. (This is a facile identification, because the deceit goes much deeper: it is *systemic*, as Peter Oborne has shown.) But, this being so, people are then moved emotionally closer to the Lib-Dems (who are to the left of Labour and who’d consequently like to see Saddam still in power and running his torture chambers.)
(c.f. In this connection, observe which way the usual suspects like Richard Dawkins are jumping.)
Push the liar angle, and because people make this true-but-not-exhaustive connection and feel the unhelpful emotions that go with it, it doesn’t help the Tories: it helps the Lib-Dems.
Or maybe not …
As I say, now we’ll have to wait and see.
Or maybe, Michael, it’s simply that when Michael Howard calls Tony Blair a liar, all people see is a pot calling a kettle black. There are still a lot of people around who remember his deviousness on that notorious Newsnight interview, there are many more who see through his nonsensical and devious stance on immigration, and there are many many many more who simply don’t much like him as a character. Sorry, he doesn’t look good as a leader – and I’m saying this as someone who has no time whatsoever for Blair of the Fourth Form.
Now if Boris was in charge, it’d be a completely different story…
I am writing here from the Western United States. I have been reading your blog, Boris, for a few weeks now, trying to play catch up on having been out of touch with the world for a time. I read with dropped jaw about the man who was restricted to working only 48 hours a week, and having difficulty supporting his family as a result. Here in the USA I had a job were I normally worked 60 hours or more, consistantly, as long as I wanted to put in the effort. I can’t imagine a 48 hour work week limitation in the USA. We would never stand for it. For one thing, our long-haul trucking industry would go broke and as a result and the US economy would suffer greatly if such a limitation was imposed. How could you people ever let this “Social Chapter” be imposed on you? It may seem naive, but I have never though of those of you living in the British Isles as European. Joining your political future to that of the EU always seemed crazy to me. And this 48 hour limitation is only one sample of that crazyness. The British have always stood as an independent culture and you should stay that way. Don’t let the French, Germans, Dutch, etc., dictate how you are to run your country. Use your common British sense and rescue this worker who wants to do good for his family.
Unfortunately could not vote Conservative this time due to Micheal Howard, but once Conservatives have more Libertarian politicians like Boris perhaps again I will be conservative
Up here even conservatives are pro state control, nice if Boris was standing here
Methinks Tom Brandt deserves an honorary vote just for being sensible.
Melissa? tell me you’re not staying up all night girl?
good luck Boris and tell Mikey to give your job back or we’ll take his away .. hee hee hee hee.
Love your comments Kay and agree with you on Tom Brandt
Am staying up for the long run … yay! warm canapes ready, tray of liqueurs, plumped up sofa cushions, good lighting … soft music .. the stage is set for the drama of the evening!
You’ve got my vote, Boris
Macarnie, you’re a star
Wheeey, Boris on BBC One, giving some great arguments, no matter what Paxxy says. 😀
Not good enough though – Boris for Number 10!)
Boris, you’re wonderful on TV.
Not that I’d vote for you if I were in your seat – nothing personal; just that I remember pre-1997 Conservative governments. Putting up the guy who was a figure of mockery, not to mention his hand in Clause 28 and the Poll Tax, as the leader put me off. Now if it were you or Ken Clarke…
well we will try and keep you company for some if it then Melissa ….good heavens Boris has done a fine job with his hair tonite.
Boris just started a large shouting match with Jeremy Paxman, some Blairite minion and the Lib Dem woman over postal voting. Fantastic!
Since I’m Dutch, I only know Boris from having seen him on television. He always is good for a laugh. I think he should have taken the offer from The Official Monster Raving Loony Party.
Boris is in a new mould tho’ Cpt Iglo … not Official M R L Party or anything … true blue beneath it all
Extraordinary results filtering through: Putney for a start …
Torbay’s a blow for the blues though – increased Lib Dem majority.
Let’s see how Battersea goes… and Stanley Johnson
Only one Johnson in Parliament. 🙁
Guildford back to Blue :}
And Boris wins a second term! Well done…
Boris gets re-elected
Boris Johnson, one of the few MPs who is part of the blogosphere, and certainly with more personality than most of the boring geriatric cases in Parliament, has held on to his Henley constituency. Congratulations to Boris!…
I sent a trackback about this but it doesn’t seem to have worked, so congrats to Boris on getting back into Parliament
Red sky at night,to no-one’s delight
But still in the morning? We gave you fair warning !
Cogratulations Boris ! One step nearer.
It was very overcast here this morning. I like to think it’s God’s sign of disapproval on Labour, Tony Blair, and especially my vile MP, Fiona Mactaggart.
Very poetic Aaron ~ it may even rain tears of gloom ..
Having recently moved to America I watched the television reports and studied as many websites as possible to keep up with the news of the election. Incredibly disappointing, and I thought that there was a possibility that we may just have made it.
Only saving grace is that MH is to resign which leaves only one option – BORIS FOR LEADER.
well we nearly got ’em….. So I guess it’s 5 more years of rip off petrol prices, stupid NEW DEAL schemes (in my area sub-contracted by the job centre to be run by a bunch of idiots that could barely just organise a p***-up in a brewery), leftie labour politically correct do-gooders…… and THAT GRIN.
But at least my local area (Scarborough & Whitby) was one of the ones that gave Labour the boot >:-)